On Grief

(I wrote this for a friend of mine who has recently lost a spouse, but, as I reach an age where the elders in my life--and even some friends--are starting to pass away, these thoughts are, sadly, more regularly on my mind.  But take heart and read on!)

     I don't know anything about the author Jamie Anderson, but he wrote, “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”  I think he is close to the truth of the matter, but we, as Christians, know that we may not have a passed loved one right here to give our love to, but we can store up all that love for later delivery to our loved ones, when we see them again in Heaven. 

     How sad would our lives be if we had no one for whom we could grieve--no one who impacted our lives enough that their death would be a mournable loss to us when they are gone! Yes, the death of a loved one is horrible. Death is not part of God's original design for us (Gen. 2:9 & 3:22), and as part of the curse of sin, it causes us great pain.

     Grief is a great black hole that is punched through our hearts, and it tries to painfully vacuum our entire existence into its seemingly limitless, black void. It rips at the raw edges of the punched out hole, trying to tear our souls apart.

     Sometimes we soak in our grief. It seems to submerge and subsume us until we feel nothing of ourselves, nothing of the blessings in our lives, nothing of love, and only feel the searing, overwhelming pain of the grief.

     Sometimes our grief hides.  We may be numbly going about our day, when a sight, smell, song, flavor, or the touch of a familiar item will trigger a memory, and rip the stiches out of the gaping wound we thought was healing.

     We might think we are "Done grieving," or "Over it," but those thoughts are horrible lies!  Grief does not end until we are reunited with our loved ones in Heaven.  It will change over time--become more manageable--but it will never completely go away until our time on Earth is done.

     And so, in grieving for my father, grandparents, and friends who have passed away, I have come to embrace my grief!  Yes, it is painful, but it reminds me of how blessed I have been to have so many wonderful people in my life.  Sometimes we have to fight our grief and remind ourselves of that!  I will mourn for them, but my grief will only last for a finite time.

     For "weeping may stay for the night, but joy comes in the morning.  He will turn our wailing into dancing and He will remove our sackcloth and clothe us with joy!"  (excerpts paraphrased from Psalm 30)